Tony’s Revenge in ‘Rivals’ Brings a Big “0” for Rupert
Rupert hits rock bottom with a landslide victory to defeat in 'Rivals' third episode.
Rivals dropped the first three episodes of Season 2 as a set on Disney+ and Hulu, and while today that’s regarded as an accepted standard release schedule for streaming shows, there’s usually a storytelling-driven logic behind the choice. In most cases, the premiere requires too much table setting, or the major plot driver doesn’t arrive until the third episode. In this case, the plot driver technically arrived at the end of Episode 2, but Tony’s revenge was too sweet to make us wait.
Beattie’s expose hits the entire Venturer team like a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster to the face. Most of the fire is aimed right at Campbell-Black (the Thatcher bit about “Milk Snatcher” is an amazing capper); the shrapnel is designed to make sure everyone around him gets injured: Helen, Sarah, Cameron, Declan via Taggie. It’s three and a half minutes of brilliant television, and thank all the gods that Hulu didn’t make us wait for it. Poor Charles was kept out of the loop about the contents of this week’s Uncensored episode; Declan is not best pleased with that, or with Charles’ eldercare excuses, because he knows Tony, and assumes this is only an opening salvo.
Gerald is also displeased with the extent to which his boss has been dismantled. He arrives that morning to discover Rupert hasn’t been to bed. He’s still drunk because he hasn’t stopped since the night before, and is currently uncontrollable by anyone, not even Cameron.
The press is out in force on the front steps as he swayingly gets into the jaguar out front and speeds off without a word to anyone to say where he’s off to. It’s to see Helen, of course; he’s been desperately trying to call her all night.
Not that he’ll admit to it, screaming that he cannot be kept from his children when there’s no answer. Mr. Helen, Malise (Rupert Everett), isn’t fooled by the bluster as he rides up to the door. Helen’s not home because it’s Tabitha’s sporting day at school, a fact a man who is supposed to be the Minister of Sport would know if he gave a tinker’s damn about them. Instead, he hoses Rupert down and tells him to go home to sleep it off like a sensible person.
Considering we’re talking about a man who married his ex-wife, Malise is fully the father figure Rupert never had. When he wakes that afternoon and trots downstairs, Malise has tea ready and is hand pressing Rupert’s suit for him, shining his shoes, all while telling him it’s long past time he grew the hell up. He’s unimpressed with the equivocations and self-delusions. It’s a bracing conversation, one Rupert needed to hear before being told to head to the polls and vote with his head held high, even though he’s absolutely about to be demolished in the election.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, Monica is also displeased at what Tony is doing in “their” name without telling her. He’s already prepped for that, distracting her with a gift of peacocks for their anniversary, and then agreeing to see A Doll’s House rather than sitting around waiting for the election results. (He really does play her like a fiddle.) It’s a useful agreement, it turns out, as Beattie now thinks she’s in line to be the next Cameron, especially with Sarah out of the way, and Tony turning her down with it is such a shock that she walks out speechless.
Tony’s going to be glad he agreed, not just because it came in handy to remove Beattie. Maud calls Declan with the news that the lead actor, Nathalie Perrault, has food poisoning, and she will be going on as Nora instead. She begs Declan to jump in the car, drive into town, and see her big moment. But Declan refuses, citing the current boardroom meltdown happening in their kitchen. Knowing how right he is that Tony won’t stop at Rupert, he’s going to regret that decision.
The irony is that Monica pulls Tony, kicking and screaming, through the entire evening. The moment he sees it’s Maud in the lead, he tries to get Monica to go home. It’s she who is impressed enough with Maud’s performance to suggest casting her in Corinium’s upcoming televised Shakespeare production, they’re trying to sell to the BBC, and it’s she who insists on taking Maud out to dinner to wine and dine her properly so Tony can make the offer to cast her as Titania, Queen of the Fairies, in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Sorry Declan. Next time, see the play.
As for Venturer, they need to be pragmatic about this. The Yeats documentary has been canceled; Lady Gosling is dubious about their franchise license, even though she admits the bit about Thatcher was funny. Dame Enid (Selina Griffiths) is not here for Cameron’s protests that Rupert was only telling Beattie these things in bed because she acted like they were a turn on. (This is not a winning argument, honey.) Despite the Campbell-Black funds being crucial to Venturer’s survival, they cannot morally afford him, no matter how much Bas and Cameron argue loyalty trumps all. Toshi’s (Nino Furuhata) father has agreed to cover the funding. In the end, it’s put to a vote, with Declan forced into the position of breaking the tie.
While Rivals holds the result of that vote until nearly the end of the episode, the National Election is a bright spot. Despite Beattie’s exposé, despite everything Tony’s done to ruin him, the 1987 Conservative landslide is too overwhelming. Stratton wins his seat and thanks everyone except Sarah, who is alone at Rupert’s, eating her feelings, and Campbell-Black takes his district, despite everything. Everyone goes home and has sex, from James self-centeredly using Lizzie as a human fleshlight to Gerald showing up at Charles instead of his fiancée’s. Paul seems utterly bewildered when he staggers in at dawn to find Sarah in the kitchen making him breakfast, acting like their “little fight” was just baby hormones... his baby, obviously. By the time she’s on her knees, he’s dazzled into taking her back.
The electorate may have voted Campbell-Black in, but Thatcher is not having anyone who makes rude remarks about her “Milk Snatcher” nickname in her party. The next morning, Rupert is forced to tender his resignation as an MP and Sports Minister. Upon arriving home, he is confronted by Declan, who has made his decision. He’ll be tendering his resignation to the Venturer board, too. Malise may have been right when he said that a loose cannon Campbell-Black was something no one should wish for. Too bad we’re getting it anyway.
One down, three to go.
Dangly Bits & Bobs
- A foursome is another word for a quartet. Damn, Helen’s good at this whole “explaining sex to children on a level they’re able to understand.” A+ parenting.
- Sarah looks so much better without makeup. I hope for her sake that she is indeed one of those women blessed with being a complete horndog during the second trimester, and not one of the ones who had morning sickness until the day after they give birth.
- Malise and Helen’s relationship is fascinating. I need more.
- Good luck with changing things from the inside, Gerald.
- “Thatcher Thacher, Milk Snatcher,” was a real nickname the PM was given in the press.
- The 1987 Conservative landslide was the second during Thatcher’s decade-long run as Prime Minister.
- When a woman says she loves you, the correct answer is not “Thank you for supporting me.” I’d feel bad for Cameron, but she made this bed.
- Quote of the Episode goes to Monica when Maud denies she’ll need to speak to Declan, saying she only needs to talk to her agent: “Ibsen would be proud.”
- Outfit of the Episode goes to Baa Baa Woolly Ramsbottom. Love me a Loony Party Candidate who Commits.
